Last week sucked. Big time. I am not proud to say it but I was a dreadful teacher last week. I didn't murder any of my students but I was definitely not all sunshine and sweetness. I really haven't let my infertility come to work with me before, but having a beaming pregnant lady next door made it hard to keep my composure.
I delivered my letter to my friend on Wednesday. I got a card back from her on Thursday. The note inside was nice but it did not make me feel much better. I wasn't really expecting it to. I only saw her once last week - she was coming out of the bathroom (those damn pregnant ladies - rubbing it in by peeing all the time!) and she said hello. At least she is giving me the space I need. I hope this gets easier soon because I really do miss her.
After a week of watching me cry myself senseless, DH decided it was time for a weekend getaway. He splurged and got us a fancy hotel room in a charming little town in the western part of the state. It was only a two hour drive but it felt as different as if we'd been on the moon. There were beautiful rolling hills and farmhouses and cows and every second of it was just so wonderful. I actually felt like myself for the first time in months. I really had forgotten who I am and it was so nice to laugh again and enjoy spending time with my husband.
While we were gone we came up with a plan. After the school year is over we are dedicating ourselves 100% to infertility. That means we get whatever jobs we need to get in order to have the right insurance. If we get pregnant, great. If we don't, then we are going to sell everything we have and leave the country. Since we're getting hosed on the parenthood front we've decided not to let any of our other dreams fall by the wayside. We've always talked about joining the Peace Corps so maybe we'll do that.
As it turns out its a very good thing that I'm not too attached to my job. Apparently my boss is freaking out now that my friend is pregnant. We had a sub lined up to cover my maternity leave should I ever need to take it but now she is going to cover my friend's leave. My boss seems to think that hell might freeze over and that I might get pregnant too, requiring two leaves back to back. She has started hinting that my contract might not be renewed if I'm not willing to agree to stop trying for a few years so that parents won't be upset by all the turnover. Last year when this happened I was very upset about it. This year I really could care less.
And now I must go. DH is home and I am determined to be a good wife this week.